MURDER AND MAYHEM

A Satire 

Somehow we are more like the animal world than we like to think we are.  Assisting us in our quest to connect disparate events or circumstances, words in the English language can mean many different things. As a writer, this vast flexibility of words is an invite for satire (or maybe more accurate) questionable humor. Because I like to think like the dictionary--I'll call mine, Trenchant Wit. 

For example earlier this spring when cleaning the Koi pond we found a very large frog (Big Frog)  mired in the sludge of leaves and mud at the bottom of the pond.  When holding him up, the frog, from head tip to forked toe, reached from Tony's shoulders to his belly. Sometime during the flurry of draining and cleaning the pond, Big Frog disappeared.   

A week later as a proud owner of a clean pond, I went to the Water Gardens and got seven small bright Koi so I could watch from my dining room window the orange slivers skirting back and forth across the pond.  All was well, until when checking the pond each morning, I first could only find five, then three and then zero Koi.   Furious Internet research led me to the indisputable assertion that frogs eat anything they can get their mouth around. (Aha, a satire in the making or maybe a big dinner.)

 

"Big Frog!" I shouted. "You scoundrel.  You ate my Koi."  

Dumb-blasted angry, I headed for my computer.  At my request, Rose (my well-known sister and frequent collaborator in my blogs) sent me a wallpaper picture of frogs.  WOW, one of them caught my eye--the one with a snarky smirk and big mouth.  I quickly got distracted.  My anger abated.  I don't know about the squat and the knees but the snarky smirk and mouth are dead ringers for Our Candidate, don't you think?   

 

Watch FOX News any day, any time (24/7) and you'll see an appropriate likeness of  Our Candidate from which to make your comparison. But the similarity doesn't end with the snarky smirk. Not when you're writing trenchant wit.  

For instance, doesn't Our Candidate eat  his enemies alive?  A little mud and sludge doesn't bother him. He certainly causes mayhem in the Republican party and a possibility of victorious dessert for the Democrats on election eve. Big Frog is loud all night long. Our Candidate is strong competition both night and day for the same honor.  

 

Big Frog insists on fairness and boasts he's a good fellow, but the Koi didn't think so.  Although a hundred percent of them voted against him, he ate them all.  No regrets.  No pausing to sneeze or burp.  Our Candidate has his share of naysayers, but argues he has more ayesayers than his rivals.

The big question?   Will he eat his way to the White House?   

We'll have to wait and see what's for dinner at the Cleveland Convention. 

Courtesy of Rose Nuernberger

 

 Still looks like Our Candidate!