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Historical Novels -Bobi Andrews

Sunday, September 25, 2016

DIFFERENCES --Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down


Most individuals seek harmony in their relationships--the things they share that are common between them.  There are essentials of commonality that obviously fall into that category if a relationship is to develop and exist over time.  But Mother Nature did not make individuals alike--there are tall people, there are short people. There are older people, there are younger people.  There are theoretical people, there are pragmatic people.  There are coffee drinkers there are tea drinkers. Etc.  Etc.

Differences are not a chasm that cannot be bridged.  In any difference, there is commonality to find.  Many worship their god differently, but still share a number of the same values. An old adage states that in marriage "Opposites attract Opposites and then the trouble begins."  But if  two are too much alike, the original spark dies and discontent leads to separation.

Writers find that to make their stories interesting and compelling to the reader, there must be conflict.  A story with just cafe talk wears thin on page 2.  Once past the necessary basic commonalities that no one argues with, my premise is that "differences" in a relationship are what makes living interesting.

What do differences require:

          i         Communication - listening and speaking 
                                        -- no one stays silent
          ii        Tolerance - differences are what they are, 
                                           no sugar to coat here
          iii       Ingenuity -  there's an agreeable way to 
                                           be found somewhere
          iv       Creativeness - a painting has many colors 
                                            --blue and yellow make 
                                            green.  Green is good.   
          v        Accommodation - maybe not always half-way, 
                                             but integrated
          vi       Respect - no one takes the other for 
                                             granted. No guessing.
                                             Thoughts are spoken.
         vii      Patience - Nothing important happens 
                                             or changes in a day.
          viii     Understanding - our rational thoughts beyond 
          ix       Balance - more common interests tip the 
                                             scale than differences.
                                             There is a home base.
          x        Caring - the overriding emotion of oneness

A difference that is mediated to the common good is a high that binds people closer together.  (How many enemies after battle have  become friends?)  Mediation places an even playing field between the givers and the takers in a relationship. The key to harmonious  differences is whether or not they are accepted, tolerated, resolved.  We need the glue of commonly shared values for a successful relationship to thrive but also as important is to not ignore the spark of differences which keeps our relationships alive.